Divorce has become a part of modern-day life, but that unfortunate reality doesn't make it any less painful if it happens to you. No one gets married thinking their relationship will end in divorce, and the failure of a relationship can be tough on all concerned. Getting divorced can, for a time, remarkably affect your mental health.
For some individuals, their divorce may have been gaining momentum for quite some time. Lack of common ground, lethargy, apathy, plus an increased lack of respect may mean that the couple has simply been sharing the same house but little else. Some may have thought their marriage was all right until they got served with the divorce papers!
Yes, living together takes hard work, understanding, and open communication. If these values don't exist, your marriage can erode quickly. It's easy to slip into "auto-pilot," going through your daily routine, numb to your surroundings. At some point, you may decide you've had enough and it's time to get a divorce. Does this sound familiar?
How many of us start our married lives off with music in them, only to find it fading over time? Once the "music" is gone, bickering and fighting may replace it. The rolling of the eyes, the raised eyebrow, can become all too commonplace, eroding the relationship, bit by bit.
We may be able to work through these bad feelings by talking things out, but for some people, criticism can lead to feelings of rejection. It often takes a real commitment to improving one's marriage. And if this doesn't happen, what next? In desperation, some may turn to divorce.
Let's look at some methods of mental health support for those going through a divorce;
- Whenever possible, share your feelings with a true friend or confidante. It's always good to have someone there to offer support and consolation.
Equally important may be spending some time with a professional counselor. A psychologist can give you a positive way to look at what you're going through.
- Learning to accept that your "ex" may have changed over time can be a positive step in moving on with your life. It can help you look at things more objectively, which can help you from accruing more emotional wounds. Accepting that your former partner may feel differently about you is a positive step in the healing process. Try to keep in mind that your ex's opinion of you is their viewpoint. It doesn't have to define who you are. You may have just changed and grown apart over time, which led to your divorce. Don't blame yourself!
- It may be necessary to make quick decisions regarding living arrangements, schooling, and finances after your divorce. Try avoiding ones that could negatively impact your emotions and finances later on. Seek advice from others who look at things more objectively. They may be able to add some helpful insights to the mix.
- Articulate ideas and plans for a positive future, no matter how far ahead it may seem. Yes, money may be tight, and children may need your full attention, but try to organize windows of time for yourself. Take care of yourself, even if it means going for a short walk, reading a book, phoning a friend to chat, or registering for an online course. You may even decide to make new friends or start dating again. Leave your options open for now.
- Be dedicated to improving your quality of life! You may have lost your old circle of friends during your divorce. It's understandable- you were going through a lot, and some may not understand this. Look at it as a new opportunity to make new friends. You may find people who are more suited for your present situation. Other parents, neighbors, co-workers, and even online forums and social media platforms may offer to help elevate your mood. Finding and connecting with others who have been through similar circumstances can provide support and consolation.
As you move into this new stage of your life, agree to be kind to yourself.
Assigning blame cannot be helpful in this situation, especially if it's to yourself. Keep an open mind to new possibilities. Good luck with your journey!
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